Going through a miscarriage is a traumatic and devastating event that can have severe emotional consequences. It can be an incredibly isolating experience, and feelings of sadness, guilt, and grief can linger long after it’s happened. For many women, what should have been an exciting time full of promise and hope can suddenly turn into a painful and confusing trauma experience that takes time to heal from. Even physically recovering from a miscarriage can be grueling, as hormones adjust back to normal levels and the body recovers from any procedures or natural processes involved. The emotional scars are often last much longer than this though, with people needing more time and space to heal from this indescribable loss. For anyone out there experiencing this right now, please know it’s completely normal and okay to feel devastated. Let yourself grieve and process your emotions in your own way.
Don’t let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel. Try not to compare yourself to others and remember that there is no timeline for moving through this journey. The process of recovery after a miscarriage is unique to each individual. While some may find solace in talking about their experiences with loved ones, others prefer to grieve privately. It’s important to acknowledge that there are no right or wrong ways to cope with loss, and everyone must give themselves permission to navigate this journey in whatever way feels right to them.
It’s also important to remind yourself that there was nothing you could have done differently to prevent it from happening. The pain and guilt associated with a miscarriage can be overwhelming, but blaming yourself only worsens the already difficult emotional process. It’s natural to want answers and closure after experiencing such a loss, but it’s not always possible to pinpoint an exact cause. The reason behind a miscarriage doesn’t have to make sense in order to begin healing. It’s more important to focus on your emotions and to acknowledge how you are feeling – however that may look like for you – rather than searching for answers. There are so many emotions that come with this type of loss, including sadness, disappointment, anger, frustration, anxiety, and more. It can be tempting to try to push these feelings aside or ignore them altogether, but it’s so important for you to acknowledge these emotions and remember that it’s okay to “not be okay” right now.
Remember that your feelings are valid, no matter what anyone else says. Some people may not understand the level of pain and grief that you may be going through. Unfortunately, we live in a society where women are often told not to share the news of their pregnancy until after the first trimester, in case of a miscarriage. This creates social norms that perpetuate silence and shame surrounding the experience. Women can feel isolated and unsupported in their grief, causing further emotional distress. In addition, people may underestimate the extent of the emotional pain you might be experiencing after a miscarriage. Society tends to minimize the impact of miscarriages, implying that it is an unfortunate but not significant loss. This does not reflect the profound heartache and anguish that many women go through.
Most importantly, don’t put pressure on yourself to “bounce back” or “push through” before you are ready. Taking the proper time to grieve will allow you to acknowledge and accept that a significant change has occurred in your life. It is a process that will help you recognize the impact of the loss and understand how it affects your life going forward. Grieving is a necessary process for accepting the reality of the situation, feeling your emotions in a healthy way, and ultimately finding closure. While it is a difficult process, grieving is a natural and necessary part of the journey. Trying to rush the process of grief only makes the situation worse. Remember that it’s not a race or competition.
Finally, remember there’s absolutely no shame in feeling completely and utterly devastated after experiencing a miscarriage. It’s an incredibly painful and emotionally charged situation to go through, and it’s totally normal to feel like the world has turned upside down. The loss of a pregnancy is no small thing. Don’t feel like you need to put on a brave face for anyone else’s sake. Take all the time you need. If you feel like talking or reaching out for support, we would be honored to hold space for you and listen to your journey you at River Oaks Psychology – but if not, that’s okay too. Whatever helps YOU heal is what matters most right now.
Written by Lauren Presutti
